Strategies for couples to get connected

1. Indulge his inner Superman.

Every man secretly longs to play superhero and save the day. That's why one of the best ways to get him talking is to ask for his help in solving a problem, whether it's a work snafu or a friendship crisis, says Tina Tessina, Ph.D., author of How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free. Try: "Can you help me figure out what to do about X?" Even if you're not looking for a solution, make him feel important, and he'll be pumped to problem-solve.

2. Really listen.

Hey, it's only normal to zone out after "How was your day?" But focus and you'll catch a tidbit that opens into a convo. One easy trick that will help you stay totally tuned in at that critical moment: Repeat your husband's answer as a question. "Your trial got postponed again?" Saying his words aloud forces you to register their meaning, and lobbing a question back at him practically guarantees he'll elaborate.

3. Dream big together.

It's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day minutiae of life and forget to talk about big things like your innermost dreams. (Remember those?) But it's super-bonding to talk and think about the future you're building together.

4. Chat him up in the car.

Ever notice how your most surprising conversations happen on the interstate? It's no accident — guys are most likely to free-associate when they're partly occupied (even if it's just killing time until they get into the range of a good radio station). There's a reason: "Men are more likely to open up when they don't have to make eye contact," says Love. "In the male world, eye contact is confrontational. Looking straight ahead makes him feel more comfortable." But save the soul chat for the open highway — no one wants to speculate about the afterworld when they're bumper-to-bumper in a holiday jam.

5. Drop a juicy tidbit.Here's a get-closer move you really wouldn't expect: Share a hot piece of gossip with him before you tell any of your girlfriends. While most men pretend not to care about other people's private lives, a recent study from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology found that guys actually eat gossip up more than we do. The reason: Your divulging the tidbit to him first can make your husband feel looped in (i.e., loved).

6. Play "What if?"

Want to get to know him on a whole new level? Run a personality-revealing question by him. A few of our favorites: "If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you choose?" or "If you had to eat only one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?" Who knows, you may even pick up an insider gift tip or fresh date-night idea. He'd be happy eating nothing but seafood? Go online and order that guy a clambake (to be devoured on beach towels on your living room floor).

7. Bring up five happy things for every problem.Sure, it's important to get problems out in the open. But the happiest couples dwell much more on what's right in their little world than what's wrong, according to Redbook Marriage Institute expert John Gottman, Ph.D. Gottman's research has found that the strongest couples actually make five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative ones. No need to keep a tally; just remember to keep the complaints to a minimum on a daily basis. And make a habit of hitting happy notes instead: Praise your guy's grill skills ... admire his abs ... let him know you're madly in love with your home, leaky roof and all.
Feel-Good MovesWhy get hands-on with your man? "Touching causes a physiological reaction — it gets oxytocin, the hormone that creates feelings of connection, flowing," says Tessina. Here's how to cram more contact into your day.

8. Plan a top-secret, super-confidential date.

If you're like us, we bet one of you is always picking the movie or calling to make the dinner reservations. So bust out of the rut: Every Friday or Saturday for the next month or two, trade off surprising each other with hush-hush romantic outings. Don't leak a single detail ahead of time — he'll never see the karaoke duet coming. Shocking each other — in a good way — lets you explore new and exciting sides of yourself and each other. Oh, and there's a bonus in it for you: "Most men thrive on competition, so your husband will probably go all out for it," says Love.

9. Go on a date in broad daylight.

When was the last time you and your husband browsed through an art museum, faced off in golf or tennis or even grabbed lunch at a mall food court without kids in tow? Exactly. "Once you have kids, going out alone as a couple in the middle of the day seems naughty. And being naughty together is bonding," says Love.

10. Share your parental pride.When you spy your little one doing something only you two would find profound — "He's putting the rubber ducky on his head!" — flash your husband that look. You know, the one that says, "I can't believe we created such an amazing, perfect creature." Just try not to feel goosebumps.